WWNPD?

Lately, when forced into social situations, I have discovered a new tool that has proven to be enormously beneficial when determining what words or actions would be most palatable to the humans I am interacting with.

WWNPD?

Allow me to elaborate.

My step father is about as wonderful a man as you could ever hope to find. He is generous with his time and care, always helps in whatever way he can and is never too busy to offer heartfelt fatherly advice. He also wears a big WWJD ring on his finger and is, I believe, guided by that maxim in how he lives every day. In my head, he also uses this ring as his crime fighting weapon of power, leaving red, welty, backwards WWJDs on the foreheads of the ne'er do-wells he encountered. But that's probably just wishful thinking on my part.

WWJD, for the uninitiated, stands for What Would Jesus Do and for people of a religious ilk, this implies that you should try to govern your actions in a manner similar to how Jesus might have governed his- minus the whole 12 guys living in a cave together drinking wine. That's more of a gray area.

Now, I am not religious but I AM painfully, socially inept and prone to saying things that make others wildly uncomfortable, so I imagine it's a lot like being religious. And just like with most religion, this ineptitude has a workaround- WWNPD! When things get weird and people start making intentional eye contact and/or conversation with me, I've started silently saying to myself "What Would Normal People Do?" It's a game changer.

For instance, in meetings when my knee jerk reaction is to try and calm a tense situation down by reciting the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear and then explaining  the philosophical implications of it to my co-workers in great painful detail, I stop and think "WWNPD" and then smile and say something more along the lines of ,"Now now, folks. No sense gettin' all riled up over this." (I'm working on minimizing the western thing, too- but one cross at a time!)

When out at a happy hour with the humans, WWNPD has taught me how to say things like, "Wow, those are really cute shoes! Where did you get them?" rather than, "Yeah, with that much hair, I bet head lice would be a nightmare for you. I know it always is for me! Hours of combing and then you're never 100% sure if you got all the little buggers, am I right?" Trust me, the reactions you get to this are never stellar.

WWNPD helps take me out of the crazy over-analysis that human interactions tend to bring (i.e."Oh my god, I'm talking too much. They must be so bored. Wait, did that sound weird? WHY AM I STILL TALKING? Oh no, don't say it! Yep, you said it. You went and told 'peed my pants on a bridge' story. Nobody needs to hear that. Say goodbye to your potential new BFF! That's too much crazy in the first 5 minutes!") into the present moment where I am able to say things like, "Tell me about your favorite Beatle," and, "How about those sports teams!" neither of which make anyone feel that their person is in imminent danger.

I've decided to share this tool with the masses because I know, somewhere out there, already in the space time loop of their own social inadequacies there are others who just need to stop, take a breath and say WWNPD.

You, you can do this! You can have a conversation that doesn't end in the other person backing slowly out of the room! You can keep the vomit inducing panic caused by the mere presence of another human being at bay until you get to an appropriate bathroom-like facility! You can keep the look of rabid fear out of your face long enough to answer simple questions like, "What Hogwarts house do YOU belong to?" (btw- totally Ravenclaw).

WWNPD is a powerful gift and I'm not asking for any remuneration. You won't find this on a kickstarter campaign. Just use it, pass it on, get out there and make a friend.

I may sell shirts though. Please buy my shirts.